i feel guilt at my malaise, guilt at wanting to do nothing and have nothing. my guilt turns to anxiety as my husband's return home approaches. will he still love this shell that once could not get enough of life?

i sifted through the people i at one time aimed to please, and i realized that i lack an audience. most have a god, a church, a family, extended family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances. i have peeled them away, in layers, and now i don't know how to find east.

i think i may have recovered my amoral compass.