{contradiction} i will probabaly like this new computer more after we put the fucking tower on the floor. it is currently taking up half a generously sized desk. my husband likes to try to wheedle me into doing something (anything may be more correct at this point). i'll agree to whatever he asks me to do, and then i won't do it. i don't understand why he continues to ask me to do things; i am just learning to not feel bad about not doing things that are patently in my best interests. i am, to my chagrin, an overly sensitive person. i recall college, and i grow hot with embarassment. i don't understand why i still care, why i do not forget it, as i cavalierly did it. i am afraid that i am so changed in so little time that anything that was worthwhile about me is decidedly dead. after finding some adorable chinese zodiac charms, i wiki'd to see which beast represents me. to my delight, i found that, like other forms of astrology, there are layers to the chinese zodiac, namely three: what one is viewed as, what one presents oneself as, and what one desires to be. this simple delineation is a revelation! why is western astrology not this way? (or if it is, never presented to me as such?) i amaze myself: i vehemently deny the existence of a god-figure, yet find amusement in superstition. i suppose i could circumnavigate this by citing "synchronicity", but truly, what do i know of it?

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