{first philosophy}

my boredom and fear of it as a nullification of my mind leave my psyche dizzy. oh, if only the unflappable self i present were the true me! instead, i whittle away at my thoughts, an exercise to expose their hollow core. (confirmation bias?) i construct elaborate, contorted arguments to demonstrate my non-conformity to the ideals i profess. these acrobatics lay waste to my mind.

how can i move forward if i am only concerned with assaying my worthiness for doing so?

these sophistical loops ensnare me! i have lost sight of any other concern! i can only envision the fantastical!

i miss the self who didn't give a shit.