oh facebook & social anxiety! the lure of friends lost in (cyber & planar) space! i feel so violated!

i don't know how to express my surprise at suddenly evaluating myself as incredibly normal & boring & not at all worth notice. i enviously watch my coworkers flee as my world stands still. funny, i didn't even notice how still it had become, amidst all these what if's & maybes--cowardice dressed up like prudence. apt: me, cowardice incarnate, dressed up in you-name-it.

why do i have opinions if i won't act on them? worse yet! why compare when i know i am unwilling or unable to change & am sure to find my measure short?

fuck. i can't even say what i enjoy anymore. my sense of self is so lightly stamped on my wax soul (thanks Descartes). i'm as bitter as a lemon & i say fuckall.