{keeping vampire hours} it hasn't yet been eight hours & already i feel the familiar ache of destroyed tissue in varying states of repair. when i wonder why i ever quit this socially acceptable form of masochism+superiority (the modern hair shirt??)--she butts into my mind's eye, in round toe pumps a half size too small, a white jacket-as-accessory, and unrelenting/alarming smile. absurdly: i despise her for doing the job i solicited her to do. why must i be such a contradiction? i've received a verbal commitment to attend a foundations class together. i haven't considered what we would give up should we attend regularly. maybe nothing, since i have forsworn sartorial & domestic investments?

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