i woke up and felt awake! somedays are like that. most days are not. i, on average, prefer losing time in sleep.

i forget who wrote it (le guin? rothfuss?), but it rung true. there ae four protections for the mind not ready to admit: sleep; forgetting; insanity; death. also likely that we do not consciously choose, but i know that i have chosen and that i am conscious of my having chosen.

my consciousness of having chosen (i am starting to feel like a bad german-to-english translation) seems like a bad stroke of luck. isn't the point of swaddling the mind in sleep to render it less conscious of its distress? moreover, i feel distressed at my consciousness of sleep-swaddling! why not just skip all this bullshit and get back to being just another busy bee in this busy busy world??

oops, i think i forgot how to hold worldly things valuable.